A Call to Love 
April 5, 2018

"You are the one you’ve been waiting for.” – Richard C. Schwartz

It’s my birthday today. 37 years old. I’m not going to lie, that number feels old to me. Perhaps mostly in that as the years pass, so too does the need to reflect on how we are spending these moments.

I saw my own therapist this week too. For the record (and this is a little off topic), I think all people should have a therapist. I genuinely believe the world would be a better place if we all had someone to help us sort through the baggage we collect along our journey. Anyhow, back to my point: I seem to be stumbling over a repetitive emotional pattern that’s left me feeling quite exasperated. I mean seriously, I’m a freakin’ counsellor myself, what am I not getting?

After describing this pattern to my guy, he said something like this: “Christina, you are one of the most intelligent people I know. You get the concepts, you’ve fully grasped all aspects of the issue, you understand how to do the work, but you are missing the key ingredient: love.”

Love. My word. The moment that sentence left his mouth I knew this man-therapist-teacher-wise- human-angel just named my block.

Love. I know how to love my children, and my husband, and my friends, and family, and even my clients (in a professional kind of way). I love people and the human experience- all of our resiliencies and strengths and flaws. But myself? He was right; love for myself has always been conditional. Only when I am perfect, and serene, and my house is clean, and I have slept well and ate well and exercised, and my work is organized, and I have been supermom do I allow myself a moment of self-love. I probably meet these conditions about 3 percent of my life. I don’t think I’m alone in this, being raised up as a woman in a culture of performance + appearance = self-worth.

He then said something to me that resonated truer than most anything I have experienced in my life: You’re 37 years old. It’s time to love yourself differently. It is time.

And so, on this birthday I am gifting myself a “Call to Love,” and I’m inviting you to join me in this. Because although there is a movement in society to love the lumps and bumps and wrinkles of our physical bodies, I’m not sure I have heard so much about the lumps and bumps of our inner landscape.

So here it is, a Call to Love:

(Please feel free to insert your own parts and pro-nouns, although I suspect you’ll hear some overlap)

I vow to love all the parts of me. The dark crevice’s and the light combined. To love anger for its hard work standing up for me. For sadness, that allows space to grieve and heal. For the critic, who believes so desperately she is needed to keep me motivated. For the people pleaser, who is working hard to ensure I am good enough. For the workaholic, ensuring my family is supported and safe. For the worry, that tries to protect me from bad things happening. For procrastination and all the ways I shut down when the world is too much. For control, who is ultimately just very scared. For shame, that hurts me before others can. I vow to shower myself with compassion, generosity, grace, kindness and forgiveness, because each of these parts are a part of me, and they are welcome. They are worthy of love. I will love them all like a fierce mamma bear, because that is how I know how to love.

If loving all these parts seems counterintuitive to you, I encourage you to consider the alternative, which usually looks like hating, shaming, stuffing, or avoiding these parts. In my experience, hurt begets more hurt, and no solution to living fully and with joy exists there. The irony of loving these parts also rests in this truth: the more we love them, the less they overwhelm us.

So happy birthday to me, and may my gift to myself be also a gift to you.

Today, I wish you nothing but…. you guessed it… great big enormous LOVE,


Christina

By Christina Henderson June 4, 2025
Stay tuned: Fall 2024 Clients and community members will be invited to share their art- on what it means to be human, to suffer and to heal.
long wooden bridge pathway in a lush forest representing the feeling of wading through anxiety and depression
By Christina Henderson June 4, 2025
I often struggle with the concept of clinical diagnosis, in particular the common ones in our culture: anxiety and depression. My issue is simple: we too often take normal and valid feelings, that are part of the human experience, then medicalize them as problematic. The response then is to “get rid of” rather than be curious about what these emotions are trying to communicate to us. I have my own experience with on-again, off-again depression. When it’s at its worst, I’d certainly meet clinical criteria: a sense of hopelessness, low mood and motivation, isolation, wanting to sleep a lot but finding it evasive, lack of enjoyment for anything I have loved. You know the drill. But when we start to untangle the why, really look deeply at the list of ingredients making up this soup of depression (or anxiety or other struggles), we begin to realize that these feelings, in fact, make perfect sense. And they are trying to communicate something to us that deserves a listen. Rather than banish the depression or ignore the anxiety, we need to dig a little deeper. And your unique blend of experiences, or your soup (if you will), will help you figure out what you need to do to take care of yourself better. In my case, depression is almost ALWAYS trying to tell me I’m burnt out. It is the only part of me that will put me to bed, remove all pressure for productivity or replying to messages or emails. It wants or needs nothing from me except rest. Clients I work with might notice their depression is driven by underlying shame, or by feeling lost or stuck in their life. They might be carrying grief from losses not yet named or processed. Anxiety too- the world is a scary place right now, and we are so overly exposed to global and local traumas. Perhaps you didn’t feel safe in childhood and that fear has been carried in your body in your adult life. Perhaps you really are in an unsafe situation and your fear is trying to communicate this lack of safety to you. What I am trying to say is… A diagnosis of depression or anxiety does nothing to improve our well-being on a deeper level. We must become detectives of our own suffering. Only then can we learn to move with more self-compassion and grace, to set boundaries when needed, to let go of what we cannot control, to figure out what specialists we may need to see, to rest when we need to, to grieve the losses of our lifetime, and to feel the fears of uncertainty that we all face, every single day. This is where counselling helps. This is what we do. We help you untangle the mess, learn your ingredients, heal what needs to be healed so you can do what you need to do to feel better. Or to simply be with yourself more kindly when it hurts. Sending love,  Christina
woman reads a book and drinks tea learning about surviving love and loss
By Christina Henderson August 3, 2023
“To be human is to survive love and loss.” – Francis Weller
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