Blog Post
Give Thanks Every Day
October 9, 2016
I have always been a Fall girl through and through. Bring on the fresh notebooks, the new beginnings, the structure, the boots and the scarves, the golden and vibrant hues of the trees, the fireplaces on Sundays in the rain. And who does not love sitting down with our family, friends and loved ones to give thanks for our abundance, and a few short weeks later, connect with our neighbors, fill our doorways and yards with pumpkins and ghoulish decorations and watch children pour into the streets to show off their costumes and fill pillow cases with candy (soon be secretly pilfered parents). Yes, as August draws to an end, I can barely contain my excitement for the Fall.
Today, given the timeliness of this particular weekend, I want to draw attention to one of my great fall loves: Thanksgiving. One of the traditions in our family, as is true in many others, is that you are not allowed to leave the Thanksgiving dinner table without saying one thing you are thankful for. This is a fantastic tradition, and yet I dare say, not enough. This act of giving thanks needs to be embedded into our daily lives much more so than us average folk are doing. One of the people who influences Laurie and I’s approach to counselling is the brilliant Brene Brown. In her research she found that people who describe their lives as joyous or joyful have an intentional gratitude practice , not simply an attitude, but a tangible strategy for bringing gratitude to awareness.
Let me share with you one of the most frequently given homework assignments I use with my clients:
Buy a journal or a notebook. Leave it beside your bed. Every night at bedtime write down five things you are grateful for. Now, there are a couple rules: (1) No repeats; (2) It must be specific; and (3) It has to have happened that day. Here’s an example of what that might look like:
1. My 8-year-old held my hand leaving soccer practice (I don’t know how many more years she will do that).
2. The tree outside my window looked like it was sparkling this morning because of the heavy rain last night and sunshine this morning. The world is beautiful.
3. My partner picked me up a coffee because I slept in before work today.
4. A friend I haven’t spoken with in ages sent me a lovely text message.
5. My colleague printed off a ton of forms for me when my printer jammed and I was late for the meeting where I needed those forms.
The benefit of this strategy: we become trained to pay attention to the goodness in our lives; we become mindful, in-tune, and present. Brain research shows when we change our thinking consistently over time, we re-wire the neuro pathways so this type of thinking becomes automatic. And as Brene Brown’s research discovered: we open the door to joy.
One thing I would like to acknowledge is that life is hard. Often it is harder more often than not. Often the hardness is relentless. In the midst of this suffering it can seem impossible to find gratitude. For those of you in this place today, let me suggest using a gratitude practice as an anchor. Rather than aim for five things to be grateful for, simply look for one, or two, or three. Perhaps this practice could be something to keep you afloat during your most difficult moments. I am always amazed and inspired by the goodness that exists in the world during our greatest sorrows and tragedies. Looking for goodness does not undermine the suffering, yet it reminds us that suffering is not all there is.
I would love to hear your daily practices of gratitude, and perhaps share them on this blog if you are so willing. Private message me through Facebook if you have a practice you’d like to share with others.
Today I am thankful to sit in a quiet, clean house, with a cup of tea (Bengal Spice, if you haven't tried it, DO!), and write to you all.
Wishing you peace,
Christina
Today, given the timeliness of this particular weekend, I want to draw attention to one of my great fall loves: Thanksgiving. One of the traditions in our family, as is true in many others, is that you are not allowed to leave the Thanksgiving dinner table without saying one thing you are thankful for. This is a fantastic tradition, and yet I dare say, not enough. This act of giving thanks needs to be embedded into our daily lives much more so than us average folk are doing. One of the people who influences Laurie and I’s approach to counselling is the brilliant Brene Brown. In her research she found that people who describe their lives as joyous or joyful have an intentional gratitude practice , not simply an attitude, but a tangible strategy for bringing gratitude to awareness.
Let me share with you one of the most frequently given homework assignments I use with my clients:
Buy a journal or a notebook. Leave it beside your bed. Every night at bedtime write down five things you are grateful for. Now, there are a couple rules: (1) No repeats; (2) It must be specific; and (3) It has to have happened that day. Here’s an example of what that might look like:
1. My 8-year-old held my hand leaving soccer practice (I don’t know how many more years she will do that).
2. The tree outside my window looked like it was sparkling this morning because of the heavy rain last night and sunshine this morning. The world is beautiful.
3. My partner picked me up a coffee because I slept in before work today.
4. A friend I haven’t spoken with in ages sent me a lovely text message.
5. My colleague printed off a ton of forms for me when my printer jammed and I was late for the meeting where I needed those forms.
The benefit of this strategy: we become trained to pay attention to the goodness in our lives; we become mindful, in-tune, and present. Brain research shows when we change our thinking consistently over time, we re-wire the neuro pathways so this type of thinking becomes automatic. And as Brene Brown’s research discovered: we open the door to joy.
One thing I would like to acknowledge is that life is hard. Often it is harder more often than not. Often the hardness is relentless. In the midst of this suffering it can seem impossible to find gratitude. For those of you in this place today, let me suggest using a gratitude practice as an anchor. Rather than aim for five things to be grateful for, simply look for one, or two, or three. Perhaps this practice could be something to keep you afloat during your most difficult moments. I am always amazed and inspired by the goodness that exists in the world during our greatest sorrows and tragedies. Looking for goodness does not undermine the suffering, yet it reminds us that suffering is not all there is.
I would love to hear your daily practices of gratitude, and perhaps share them on this blog if you are so willing. Private message me through Facebook if you have a practice you’d like to share with others.
Today I am thankful to sit in a quiet, clean house, with a cup of tea (Bengal Spice, if you haven't tried it, DO!), and write to you all.
Wishing you peace,
Christina
Winter 2024 - details to come
“To be human is to survive love and loss.” – Francis Weller
It’s been a long time since I sat down to write and as much as I’ve wrestled with this, this is why: I’ve had nothing. Okay, perhaps an overstatement as I’ve actually had plenty of thoughts, ideas and perspectives to share, but there are seasons where some things just don’t come easily. Sound familiar? Here’s the thing: I've given myself permission for that to be okay. This hasn’t been without struggle and frustration, riddled with “I should do more” or “pull it together” or “everyone else online has something to say, find something to say.” Although your version of this may sound different, perhaps you can relate to wanting to do something but for various reasons, not being able to. My reasons are varied and far exceed the purpose of this little post but let me share this: It is okay to NOT push yourself ALL THE TIME. It is okay to NOT white knuckle your way through to rigid expectations that really, are not always relevant. It is okay to have others step up. It is okay to redirect energy to things you can do at the time... and rock at that. It is okay to be flexible with yourself and goals you’ve developed. It is okay to strip back to the basics and keep things simple. It is okay to fall and rise in ways you didn’t expect. It is okay to do things differently from those around you. It is okay to NOT be on, all the time. As we step into a new year, when the talk of resolutions and goals are at a prime (both motivating and intimidating, I know) do something radical: give yourself permission to NOT do something. Step back from some thing on your to-do list. Honor the energy and capacity you have. Let that be okay. I dare you. Standing with you, Laurie